Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
