Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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