their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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