I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
