Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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