clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
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