had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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