standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
