The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Randomize
