what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
