all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
