eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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