meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
