Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
