I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
