Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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