his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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