I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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