My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
