You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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