All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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