Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
