A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
