We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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