I want to have your abortion
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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