At least make sure they are 18
Why
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
