flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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