Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
