biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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