Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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