i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
