So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
how drunk are you?
Several
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
