YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
