we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
