I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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