Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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