Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
