Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
