i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
