would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Four minutes until I can fart!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
