If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
