I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
