***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
