Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
