Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
