the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
