I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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