you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
we're making bets on your personal life
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
