On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
