ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
