hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
