i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
