he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
